Uncle Sam and The Work Monster

         I haven't been posting in a while and I, I, I alright I had too much "work". Although this has become somewhat of a scapegoat for bloggers, writers and everyone because they are too lazy. I may be lazy but this is not my reason. Spring decided to just roll on in here and I've been enjoying it so much i just HAD to stay inside and play computer games like a introverted vampire. I have been injured by my own creation. The Work Monster. He's like superman but instead of saving them he slaughters them. (I like the word slaughter. Shut up) Anyway the Work Monster's kryptonite is procrastination. Every time someone procrastinates The Work Monster gets a REALLY bad tummy ache. I'm talking "4 enchiladas on board an airplane bad". I need you for the Procrastination Army.

         If we work together we might, just might be able to stop this monstrosity from turning the world in to some kind of a Productive functioning planet. To promote procrastination wear a white t-shirt and tell everybody you were gonna make a really funny procrastination joke on it, then you got too lazy. If we give him enough tummy-aches he will be brought DOWN. And nobody ever ends a post without a good cut-off so I drew this on day and for the life of me I can't remember what it was for.

       Haha. Stupid. You thought i was gonna end on that? You're crazy. You're Bonkers. You're off your rocker. You're off the deep end. Toys in the attic you're craaaazyy. You wack man. You AWAL. I don't even know what that means. But this is actually the end.

The 7 Stages of Weekend

There are multiple stages of grief one goes through when a weekend approaches. Here are the 7 stages of Weekend.



1. Biding. This stage occurs when you are approaching the weekend. This stage occurs sometime friday before a weekend. You slowly and quietly wait until the weekend arrives.

2. Preparation. You ready ones self for the coming onslaught of awesome. Your mindset is to enjoy every waking moment of this break before the dreaded monday arrives.

3. Planning. You make sure everything has been planned. This stage occurs because you want to make sure you spend none of your time planning things while you could be playing football with a monkey.

4. Enjoying. This stage is the most crucial of all the stages mainly because it is the heart of the weekend. During this time you take the time to sit back and enjoy the actual weekend. During the steps 2 and 3 you expect this to be the most awesome time of you life e.g. Playing poker with Barack Obama. But sadly it usually just turns out sad looking like this.

5. Realization. The part after you've enjoyed this weekend to the extent that you can just roll it up and throw it away like some old wash cloth then you think to yourself "Gee, that suuure was a fun weekend I had back then" and then you realize something. You remember all the stuff you were supposed to do but you were JUST TO LAZY to get done with earlier. It all comes back to you wave after wave like a Tsunami of your own stupidity.

You are happy with yourself then you notice something...

Slowly creeping onto like a slithering snake.

You think about it again and make one of the worst mistake you could have possibly ever made. You go creeping inside your mind to see if there's any fragment of information that wasn't wiped clean during the weekend and then... You find it

It's the work monster and he tears your quality of work limb from limb until your nothing but a shell of a good work ethic.

6. Bargaining. You realize you're far to lazy to do any of this work and you simply try figure out any way you could possibly get away from doing what you have to do.

7. Acceptance.  The 7th and final stage is the acceptance that your going to simply have to face facts and grumble your way through monday. This is often the hardest step because some people can't reach the higher level and instead just decide to make fake puking noises and pretend you have TB hoping to scrounge what's left of the dead carcass of what was a weekend and just watch bad movies that were fermenting in you DVR.

A Day in the Life of Timmy

P.S. I AM NEVER DOING AN ANIMATION AGAIN.

The Snowman who had no Friends.

Me and my friends wrote tons of these on tiny slips of paper while we should be studying. they were basically tongue-in-cheek style children's stories.

And if you helped write this, I'm looking at YOU.  Thank you vury much

Fancy Restaurant

Here is the full story of my adventures with a fancy restaurant.

We arrive late... fashionably late

I walk in and see an (creepy) elderly woman so i be polite and hold open the door. This is before i see her face.

I see a lot of people surrounding some attraction so i see what is the matter, but as soon as I see it i wish i hadn't. Its a scary looking doll that has already given me multiple nightmares

I am a wee bit' underdressed for the occasion but then I see a creepy Snooki look-a-like

The snooki look-a-like

There is a small child who seems to be making out with the carpet.

His hair makes him look like Shawn White

I see some italian men who have a conversation in a language I call "hat-tippity boopity-boppyish"

We finally get our seat and I am already disappointed. There is a table mat but it doesn't have any maze, crayons or word searches. I am disappoint.

I eat bread quietly...

 The waiter comes up and asks "is everything to your liking" i always say yes but i secretly have always wanted to say no and proceed to angrily yell gibberish at him until i am "escorted" out of the restaurant.

We order this "tower" of food expecting something small but then they bring us this.

We order dessert but after that tower it seems so big I had a mini-stroke

When we leave I notice the music and I suddenly feel the need to skat so I do and we drive home in silence.


P.S.S. Most likely no post for a while. VACATION

Toasts of the world

TOASTS OF THE WORLD

This one took a while to muster up all these stereotypes but I do plan on making more.

The normal toast

P.S. There will probably be less words than usual

                                                     British toast

Canadian Toast

                                                    American Toast

Russian Toast

What better way to ruin toast than diluting it with outdated stereotypes

Superintendent traumatizing field-trip

A couple of you have been asking me what the superintendent tramatizing experience was so here it is (isn't)

She was moving along, browsing the numerous views

But then something horrible happened

EVIL SPACE MEN (from space) invaded!

The space men started attacking. Hope seemed grim





















Thats right. they murdered the Cherry Jelly they were planning on eating for lunch

But then she (or he) pulled out their handgun and gunned the spacemen down

But everyone still went home hungry. THE END

RANT

ITS RANTING TIME!

OK so if you enjoy field trips raise your hand. Now you should realize that your alone at your computer and you don't need to raise your hand and most likely look foolish so awkwardly put your hand down.

This is my interpretation of our superintendent

(i don't even know if they're a woman or not)

So i guess (well just call "it") was in some crazy traumatizing accident when she was a kid so I guess she doesn't like field trips.

So we were planning on going on a Field trip to the skating rink
It would been awesome judging from this picture in my mind.

But a week before the trip it was cancelled

So this post was not meant to "demean" the school or or insult anyone
but i just want to get the word out to all the 'murricans out there